Date: Monday, February 09, 2009
@5:46 PM.
Title: (
+)
I don't even know if I should be typing this post and blah, but since I'm already here, just let me let out everything kay, I don't know where else to do all that already. You don't have to read it anyway.
I don't know what I really want now. I thought being in the main seven is something I really want. Yet now, I feel like giving everything up, I don't feel like continuing anymore. It's tiring, and I don't know how long more I can last like that. And it sucks even more, cause I don't know who to turn to now. Everyone has their own problems, and frankly speaking, I'm tired of listening to them and encourage them to cheerup and smile, when deep inside I don't feel any better than them. And since I think this way, I'm not in any position to ask others to waste their time listening to me rant, cause even if I end up happy at the end of the day, who knows, something else may just crop up tomorrow, and I'll end up needing them to help cheer me up again. Isn't this cycle never ending? So what's the point in all that anyway. I don't know how long I'm suppose to hold back. Someday, I may just break down. I promised her I wouldn't do so in front of the team and blah. Say what you want, but I'm gonna keep to it. Yeah. I admit, I take positions very seriously. You all keep saying how positions don't matter and that there's no use fighting for it, blahblahblah. But in the end, isn't that what everyone else looks for in a person? It's pretty ironic, cause I know just yesterday, I mentioned how I should be more open and blah. And then the very next day, I'm telling you that I just want to keep everything to myself, cause it's not like anyone cares anyway. If you're gonna come up to me and tell me you care just so I'll feel better after reading all this, save it. You don't have to, cause it's not gonna help also. There'll always be problems now and then, and just like how I feel really tired cheering others up, others should have felt the same way towards me also. No point ranting everything out to someone and just help them increase their burdens. That's like really selfish.
I have no idea what I'm ranting about also. Hai. Point is, I'm really tired.