Date: Thursday, March 05, 2009
@8:29 PM.
Title: (
+)
I knew it wasn't gonna be easy, but I never thought it'd be that hard.
They all say "When the going gets tough, the tough gets going." Well then, maybe I'm not that strong anymore. I. Don't. Know. What's. Wrong. With. Me. Seriously. I mean, who in the right mind wouldn't go staple the correct answer sheet with the question paper after finishing the whole paper, and still dumbly hand up to the teacher smiling, thinking she'll do just fine for it.
And now I'm learning things the hard way.
I have no idea why I cried so badly in school today, I'm sorry Felicia and whoever, I must have really scared you. I tried holding back, but it gets so difficult when disappointment and sadness just overwhelms you. I felt so lost.
I'm coming to terms with it now. What's the point in crying over spilt milk, and having people worry for you all the time. It's not like it'll change anything anyway. Point is, my term 1's GPA is screwed, really screwed. I wouldn't be surprised if I got like below 2. I knew year 3 wasn't gonna be as easy as the past 2 years, but I'm not ready for the drastic change yet. I'm not gonna get away with good results if I don't study hard enough anymore. I need to stop disappointing them. Jean really made sense today. They really care for me, and I just keep making them disappointed with my results over and over again. I know how much stress they've been in lately, and I shouldn't be troubling them over my results. I don't just supressing and bottling everything up in me. Someday, if this goes on, I may just give up. I don't want to, but things are getting really extreme now. I can't handle all the stress that keeps coming to me, overwhelming me and taking full control over my emotions. I'm not used to having so much setbacks thrown at me all at one go. I'm really dreading next week now. I don't mind not having March holidays if we don't have to get back our progress report for this term. I feel so screwed. ):
Basically, right now I have 2 choices.
1) Give up, feel sad for myself, and end up a loser.
2) Get a grip, and face the whole thing and head on.
I want to stay positive and take option 2. But I don't feel positive. I guess it's because the positivity doesn't sink right into my heart.